[Rick69]

Nice Robert-Frosty ending...

Still, best lines have to be:

"What a difference in pace, in conviction, in the shear enjoyment and satisfaction of endurance in simple living."

"I can still hear the shuffle of his feet, but it’s mine that echo his stride now." Almost a little sinister, this one...


Seeing as you remember your childhood quite clearly/detailed and a lot of life-changing events occurred in your childhood
You might want to look into this other poet: Seamus Heaney

If you don't know him already, Heaney is a Nobel Peace Prize Winner and Irish Poet...

Some of his best works were about his childhood...

http://www.teachit.co.uk/armoore/poetry/heaney.htm

I would recommend you have a quick glance at, perhaps, "Mid-Term Break" and "Digging"...

Feel free to read the other ones to for more inspiration...

[GaryO]

Yeah, the spin on his famous lines ‘miles to go’ was intentional. Thought it helped carry and wrap up the theme.

Nothing here publishable, with possibly the exception of the two lines you mention, but it’s fun to play.

It’ll come together if I don’t force it….

I’ve read Heaney’s prose, and others, but I have a fear of emulating styles I like.
It’s inhibiting, and crippling for me.
Weird, huh.

I’ve got years to go before I publish
Years to go….wretch.

Thanks for the critique, Rick
Very appreciated

[Rick69]

Thanks for the critique

Ha ha... my critique...

If you think my thoughts/opinion criticize you in any way, I'm afraid you have me wrong

Heck, I'm usually pretty terrible at putting sentences together without the help of some ellipses... let alone make my own original proses which are actually pretty decent to read.

All I did was read your work and only note down the most outstanding lines which truly caught my eye; however, this does not mean any of the rest is "non-publishable"... they are just as good as the rest and vital for it to flow smoothly

On the other hand, what you mean about emulating other writers' style I know,
I really try to avoid it though.
There is no subtle message here,
Do you understand me, GaryO...

[Of course, that wasn't forced at all in any way or form ]

[GaryO]

Yes, I understand.
Actually, I treasure any comment, critique, from young, fertile minds, of all walks.
People of my generation are quite set and opinionated, sick bastards we are.

I’ve got approx. 300 pages of retrospect that I plan to put together, short story comp, and publish, but I’ve still got some procrastinating left to do, and it takes up most of my time.

Working with different styles;

I'm Outta Here!
Yeah, parents seem to become more special as one ages. Good or bad, you come to realize they did their best, and ya grab the good stuff to hunker down and gently cram down yer kid’s minds.
Or you just dwell on their felonious characteristics and waller in it til yer life morphs into their reflection…..precious time ill spent.

My dad is 88. Looks pretty darn good, still. But hearing is quite a bit south, and his vision is in the shadows (macular degeneration in one eye, and detached retina in the other, amateur boxing days), so if you prop him up in a Wal-Mart entry he’s lookin’ OK.
He even got in the right car after taking him to father’s day brunch this year.

Gotta be a bit frustrating for him, cause he’s always been a doer, lookin’ forward.
Now, people that kinda got in the way before, are the ones that are left. But he puts on a good front, and has kept his woman of 20 years younger.

Not sure I’ll be doin’ the same. Never thought I’d get this old, let alone the 70s or 80s….

My basic plan is to instruct the kids to do the ‘Of Mice and Men’ thing if my mind goes first.

If they happen of observe me playing 'Hunt for Red Oktober' with the contents of my bed pan, then:
Take me on a long walk and sit me down by a babbling brook, with alders and willows huddling on the banks. Set a bag, a large bag, of wonder weed beside me…and a six pack of a good IPA…and some chips….two bags….OK, three bags….family size...and maybe pour me a shot of a high end single malt to start things off…and plug in some ear buds……crank up some Pink Floyd…any song…they’re all good….OK, shine on you crazy diamond….David Gilmour…Waters is too acid tech for me….and walk away for a while….check on me every 30 min…and when I have that far away look in my eye…farther than usual…with a silly grin on my mug….then take a 42 oz Louisville Slugger and swing for the bleachers……CRACK!….back back back back….I’m outta here!

[Rick69]

You will forgive me that my knowledge could not comprehend all your references the first time round (I will promptly blame the generation gap )


However, first off, I was led into some interesting tangents:

"Of Mice & Men" - Pretty heavy stuff, this one. I just read the plot summary but it seems to be worth a full read.

"Hunt For Red Oktober" - Perhaps not as emotional, but still more of a thriller/action maybe.

"Pink Floyd" - !JOKES! Finally something I understand


Moreover, I like "gently cram down"... very good oxymoron; also perfect juxtaposition with the next line.

Captivating read all the way through...

"42 oz Louisville Slugger" Ha ha ha... a comic blast to finish with... always great to end with a smile


[I shall now proceed to remove my English Professor Hat and return to my normal livelihood...]

[GaryO]

Oh no. Has Steinbech's ('I just wanna pet the rabbit, George') gone by the wayside?!

Well, in your next fleeting moments of dead space (today, tomorrow, next week), let’s see what you think of my attempts at humor.
I do know that there’s a range, a chasm, that separates what the new generation sees as funny vs what will compel fossils to garner a chuckle.

I do have a few dozen pages of normal life experiences, some with quadrupeds, such as the Tibetan Terror that darn near cured me of furry friends;

A business associate and I were discussing international facilities via Email…..

‘My father told me a story about when he was in a nice hotel in Fez, Morocco. No TP, just a guy in the floor below with a whisk broom’

‘Well Bruce, that whisk broom comment inspired me to cleanse my keyboard with atomized coffee propelled from my lungs.'

'While wandering in thought about whisk brooms, our last dog came to mind.
I’m a dog lover.
Beagles, labs, most any breed, even the hybrid wolf my son had in Alaska was a joy….but it’s playful nipping, as pups generally do, would most times leave your hand in shreds…practice I guess. What a tiger...loved his spirit.
But the whisk broom comment sent me directly to our last dog-like entity from Lucifer…a Tibetan Terrier.
Total block head, smart, really smart, just not put to good use.
He saved his dumps for my den.
Take him out and he’d wait you out.
Keep him out and he’d still save it up.
Once back in the door, he’d head straight up the stairs to my den.
One time I stepped out to get the mail and caught him in my peripheral vision headin’ up the stairs ….I stood there…he stood there….I motioned out the door…he took two stairs…then I shamed him and took him with me outside….then we both went back in….me to the kitchen…him to the den.
My only recourse was to feed him just dry dog food…found a brand that created little bricket turds and a bit of dust…….bought two 50 lb bags, whisk broom and dust pan were additions to my den….and a new, sweepable rug.'

'Oh, when locked out, he developed a penchant for dumpster diving, and regularly brought home the neighbor’s filled pampers…..pealed ‘em back and dined on ‘em like a baked potato…..
I hoped the neighbor would pick him off, but (as stated) he was smart.
Notice the referral is in the past tense…
Not getting a dog for awhile…..I’m not fit for it until my PTSD has abated some.'

[krazyivanthedivine]

Forgive my stupidity but do some of you guys do creative writing?

[GaryO]

Forgive my stupidity but do some of you guys do creative writing?

give
please

[Rick69]

Forgive my stupidity but do some of you guys do creative writing?

... Not exactly...

GaryO on one hand seems to be an amazing writer (in my opinion of what I have read so far)...

Me on the other hand... well, I'm good at impersonating my English professor


Now forgive my stupidity but are you [partly] Russian & fluent in English ?

[krazyivanthedivine]

I was born in America but both of my grandparents on my fathers side immigrated here in 1954. When I was young my grandmother taught me how to read and write it and I picked up the language from her. When i was in high school, my school offered a Russian class so I took it and that is where I learned most of my Russian language.

I ask about writing because I myself am writing books. I have two projects I'm working on simultaneously, one is a trilogy that I skip around writing and the other is a single book I just started working on. I ironic thing is that by day I'm that guy that delivers heating oil to your house, but at night I'm a writer. Not exactly a combination you see every day