[Schultz1]

Where did you get polar bear? Leave my presence at once sir!

[M0rd3kaI]

Round up girls and boys, Uncle Kai has a little song for all the girls in the Network... brace yourselves... it will be a rough one


First I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died.
But I ' d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, Just a sad pathetic dream should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!
Go on now go!,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, Then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count!

[Chorus]
I will survive!
I will survive!
Cos as long as I have batteries,My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,With a handful of latex!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,Now I'm saving all my loving for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]
I will survive!
I will survive!
Cos as long as I have batteries,My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,With a handful of latex!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

[M0rd3kaI]

I used to think that I could not get it on
And she was nothing but some sex gone wrong
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on her everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can ride
I believe I can get weenie high
I think about it every night and day
Spread her legs and hump away
I believe in my whore
I see me ramming into that open door
I believe I can ride
I believe I can ride
I believe I can ride

See I was on the verge of watching porn
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are climaxes in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of she, oh

If I can see it, then I can touch it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

Hey, cause I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can fcuk it (I can fcuk it)
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

Hey, if I just spread her legs
I can ride
I can ride
I can ride, hey
If I just spread her legs
I can fly-eye-eye-eye
Hum, fly-eye-eye

[davidbowie]

for 15 cents a day you can feed an african, they eat pennys

[steve1961]

for 15 cents a day you can feed an african, they eat pennys

For a second I thought you wrote "they eat at Denny's"...and nobody does that...

[motifayk]

An old maybe overused joke but still funny... A version right from motifake.... "http://www.motifake.com/96286"

[Bull]

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her? Good looking as well!

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', She asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!"

[davidbowie]

Q:how do you tell if your at a gay picnic?
A: if the hotdogs all taste like s***

[M0rd3kaI]

Three men were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first man says, ”I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have half enough room in the fridge to keep it in.”

The second man agrees that she sounds pretty stupid, but says his wife is even more dumb.
”Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,” he laments, ”and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”

The third man nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. ”Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,” he chuckles. ”My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a penis!”

[link07]