[M0rd3kaI]

Lol, thought of another joke on account of yours:

What is the difference between an ordinary person and a politician that has been killed on the highway by a car??

Before the ordinary person, there are skid marks

[M0rd3kaI]

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other," Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

[M0rd3kaI]

Bump

DEAR KOOS

I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we moved.

I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here
took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to
change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I don't know
that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and
pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first
time for four days, and the second time for three days.

About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Frikkie said it
would be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we
cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Piet locked his keys in the car yesterday... We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I don't know what it is yet, so
I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. I was told that it is
almost black. I think she spent too much time in the sun when she was
pregnant, always helping Jonas the farmhand with the mealies.

Uncle Wessels fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull
him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. It
took five days to put the fire out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in their Granpa's Truck. I always
knew this thing was dangerous. Janneman was driving. He rolled down
the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the
back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the
normal has happened.

Your favorite aunt

Hanna
P.S. I was going to enclose R25 but I already sealed the envelope.

[Rick69]

Today, I walked into a restaurant.

"Hi, is my table ready?"

"No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?"

"No, that's okay."

"Great, take these to table six then...."

[5butjam]

For a minute there I just thought you were being ridiculous, then it hit me what you were saying. I feel dirty.

I was stuck doing tensile strength tests most of the day at work. I could explain what they are but it's just a bit of a stretch.

[Rick69]

... ... ...

I was outside the school, eating a Twix, when i said to a small group of girls

"Anyone fancy a finger?"

And that your honour, is why it was consensual...

[M0rd3kaI]

An old Scottish pirate walks into a bar in blistering pain and orders a double rum, clean.

The barman said: "Hey sir, long time no see, but why did you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?

To that the pirate looked at the barman and said: "Aye laddie, it's drivin me nuts!"

[M0rd3kaI]

Q: What is better than "Honour"

A: In-her

[Rick69]

My wife came in complaining that I never lift a finger around the house.

So I did.



The middle one.

[5butjam]

So a bunch of mathematical functions get together at a party and they're all having a good time. Party way through though, 2^x notices e^x is sat by himself in a corner.

2^x wanders over and is like "Hey dude, what're you doing in this corner by yourself? Come on man, integrate yourself into the party!"

e^x just looks despondent and says "Why bother, integrating myself won't make any difference!"

Reference, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calculus