[Rick69]

Images of Michael Jackson are to appear on cans of Pepsi to mark the 25th anniversary of the release of his album 'Bad'.

So, nearly 3 years after his death, he's still finding his way down children's throats...

[M0rd3kaI]

Pepsi is shite... should've been Coca Cola, But I like that joke though, nice one

[fan4camping]

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any
moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the
woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment.'


'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

[Bull]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabby replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[spypengen]

here's a link to a lot of political You have 2 cows jokes
http://www.oddee.com/item_59592.aspx
DEMOCRACY -- BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

DUBAISM: You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years' time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.

[M0rd3kaI]

[...]

political

[...]

All I needed to see...

PolitiFake

[spypengen]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?"

the horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can nether speak nor Understand English. It is confused by it's surroundings, and gallops out of the bar knocking over a few tables

and
What did the blonde say when she lost her wallet?

"where's my wallet?"

[M0rd3kaI]

Jumping out into the lead is Romance & Affection with Domestic Bliss in close behind. It's Romance & Affection and Domestic Bliss in a close second.

And here comes Marriage Vows, Immediate Child with Romance & Affection falling off quickly.

Late Starter Mortgaged Up The Ass overtaking Domestic Bliss and here comes Nasty Attitude followed by More Children and Drinking Heavily.

Coming down the back stretch Drinking Heavily moving out in front of Mortgaged Up The Ass, but coming up strong along the outside is Credit & Shambles.

Credit & Shambles followed by I Don't Give A s***, Nasty Attitude and Up Yours. Into the clubhouse turn, it's I Don't Give A s*** taking the lead, followed by Keep The Bloody House, You Cook Like s*** and I Fucked Your Brother.

Here they come spinning out of the turn, and it's I Don't Give A s*** still up in front, Up Yours challenging for the lead, it's Up Yours and I Don't Give A s*** neck and neck.

And down the stretch they come, Up Yours is pulling away from I Don't Give A s*** by a length. Coming on strong is I Am Out Of Here and passing the pack is Keep The Bloody House.

And at the wire, it's Up Yours, Keep The Bloody House, I Don't Give A s*** and I'm Out Of Here.

[M0rd3kaI]

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said:

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them s*** in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird s***."

"It was my first day with the hook."

[fan4camping]

The 3 Stages of Relationships


3 women were having lunch together and talking about their sex life.
Sipping her drink, the single girl smiled and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day
I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I
slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels.
He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last
Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps.
He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements
for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best
perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch
stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a
beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, "Hey Batman what's for dinner?"