[davidbowie]

your computer becomes sentient
and turns all of your electronics and appliances into killing machines

i wish i was aquaman

[Mooooooooooooooooooo]

OK.....You're Aquaman?!?...Your life is dull and you have to live with the constant ridicule that comes with being the lamest super hero ever.

(Why would you ask for that?)



I wish I could talk to animals.

[spacedog]

Your life changes not one bit. Now you have to listen to all your animal buddies talk about all the sex they are having all the time. At least they don't drink all your beer.



I wish the United States a happy birthday, oh and for Canadian beer.

[Rick69]

You drink Canadian Beer. It had virus. You get virus. You get anally violated sideways vigorously. The sore end.


I wish I owned a mansion...

[GaryO]

You own a mansion……you lose a mansion.….taxes

I wish my ex-girlfriend from high school that dumped me in the 10th grade was dead…..wait…..she is.

OK, I wish PETA would hand out ear plugs to dog owners over the 4th……then all PETA members were systematically annihilated by marauding chimps…...on video.

[steve1961]

PETA does hand out earplugs but they contain a tiny transmitter which alters brainwaves to indoctrinate people into PETA. You join PETA as a mind-controlled slave-then the chimps arrive...

[GaryO]

…………..and absolutely nothing happens to Steve

I wish I had a brain implant of Pink Floyd and Stevie Ray Vaughan, so I could just crank them up to brain numbing decibels during planning meetings

[spacedog]

Boom! Done. However, everyone notices because you look happy during a planning meeting, and you get fired. So it's a win-win. (Doesn't sound like much of a downside)... You get the clap from a door knob as you leave the office for the last time.



I wish everything was measured in metric all over the Earth, even time...

[Mooooooooooooooooooo]

Suddenly the entire world is forced to do business in metric, The U.S economy collapses. To defend ourselves Canada builds a wall. And now we can't watch as the U.S reverts to a "Mad Max" style society.


sorry Americans, couldn't resist.



I wish I could cut my lawn with the power of my mind.

[MissPriss]

Poof your wish comes true. Canadians take over the world and rule! But the truth comes out and you are exposed as an American citizen so you're completely clueless and can't reap the rewards.

I wish that I was Ivana Trump.